Balance is everything...

Here comes my resignation story. I am not going to give specifics about what went down or complain about how I was treated. That's not professional. I am not going to fill this post with a diatribe about how legislatures are killing education or how we are testing children to death. Those things are all true and you have heard them over and over again. If education is your passion, you will continue in this profession despite those things, and children desperately need people like you. If you are reading this, you are most likely an educator or someone very close to me. As they say, "No need to preach to the choir."

As any passionate educator will tell you, being a teacher takes everything you have, and if you're not careful, it can be to your own detriment: to your health, to your family, to your relationship with God. As staff were cut and my responsibilities grew, I failed to maintain a balance and all those things suffered, particularly my health. This is by no means an original statement, but I obviously didn't hear it enough times: as educators, we must take care of ourselves. Like me, many educators are also parents. We get in the habit of putting ourselves last, and years of that practice eventually takes its toll.

I am so blessed to have the financial resources and the family support to take time to find my balance.

I love reading. I love children. I want children to love reading. I have breathed this every day for over 12 years. I believe that I was put on earth for that purpose. I am not done; I have just pressed the pause button. I will focus on my three readers at home for awhile. As usual, you'll see me on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads keeping it #nerdy.

God bless you all and thank you for reading.

Guideposts and Cockeyed Optimists

I'm not going to name this person, but if you know them, you may be able to guess their identity. I am not special or anything so I do not want to "name drop." This person has inspired hundreds, if not thousands, of people.

I love my job as a school librarian and I love children's literature. If you've read this blog, you know that I have publically identified myself as someone, along with millions of others, who suffers from mental illness, specifically depression and mild panic disorder. Last year, I had to acknowledge my illnesses because my diagnosis of chronic migraines led me to consider resigning. I know this person is one of the reasons I am still a children's librarian. 

I hope that you all can find someone in your profession who is knowledgable, and has a strong unwavering ethical character, someone who can be a guidepost for you. Here is the lesson I learned this week:

How do we respond when faced with negativity from others within or from without our profession? Continue with business as usual. Addressing the negativity can turn it into a monster, especially when there is little or no chance for change/resolution of the issue/problem. My guidepost didn't say this; it is simply what they did. 

So just think of Nellie Forbush,

"I have heard people rant and rave and bellow

That we're done and we might as well be dead

But I'm only a cockeyed optimist 

And I can't get it into my head."

Book Fair Judgment

Last week we had our state library conference and today I set up my book fair. One librarian remarked to me that she hated that a certain book fair provider sold "toys" at the book fair. I could not have disagreed with her more. Here's why:

1) Making value judgments on what a child buys is not your place. That is a parent's decision.

2) At my school, many children cannot afford $4-5 for a book. I remember not being able to buy anything from the book fair in elementary school. It was not fun. With 50 cents, students can buy at least something. Yes, a few books are discounted, but they do not always meet a child's interest.

3) At my school, every dollar earned at the book fair benefits the library, and all the money is used to buy books that the students can then check out. I inform the students of why we have book fairs and let them know that even if they buy a 50 cents eraser, all the money adds up, and they are helping their library.

4) We use part of our profits for giveaways that all students are eligible to enter. This way if students cannot afford a book, it is possible that they could win one!

As a school librarian, I pride myself on creating a welcoming environment for students. We have an unlimited circulation policy, and I try to make instruction rigorous, student-centered and engaging. I want that to carry over to the book fair as well. We have one of those libraries open to the hallway and I have heard excited cries of "book fair" all day.

Books about Mental Illness

I am reading two books about mental illness right now:

Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman has been selected as a finalist for the National Book Award for Young People's Literature. The story is told in short chapters and changes from Caden Bosch's reality as a teen suffering from schizophrenia to his adventures as a pirate crew member on a journey to Challenger Deep, the Southern part of the Marianas Trench.

Furiously Happy: a book about horrible things by Jenny Lawson is a laugh out loud take on living life with mental illness. Lawson suffers from anxiety disorder so severe that she feels compelled to rip her own hair out. The title of the book comes from a time when she was so depressed that she decided that she was going to be "furiously happy," come hell or high water. Lawson holds nothing back and says what she thinks.

My father committed suicide in 2002 and I have had my own issues with depression, most recently last year when I had trouble dealing with a diagnosis of chronic migraines, which severely impacted my ability to function at work and at home. Reading these books has brought up a lot of emotions. In one book, a character goes to a mental institution; my father spent his last few months in one and then committed suicide the day he was released. I've always wondered what happened to him there and what role that may have played in his death. The comparison of mental illness to a trench is very apt. I feel well now; I am functioning, but a bout with depression creates a fear. It is almost like it is a monster lying in wait, ready to drag me down. Once you have been in the dark trench of depression, the idea of going back there is terrifying.

Disclaimer: Some may view this post as oversharing. I share because mental illness is stigmatized. If this helps one person, it is worth it.

Perfectionist - pass it on

I share my experiences because mental illness needs to be talked about more. It shouldn't be a stigma. I'm sorry if anyone  thinks it is inappropriate. 

One of the most heartbreaking things about being mentally ill is seeing manifestations of the disease in your own children's behavior and knowing that you are responsible for passing it down to them genetically. Also, in all honesty, I have been a negative role model of someone managing these issues. I'm glad that I'm turning that around and I plan to start talking to them, since my own father never talked to us about his issues and he was my role model for handling mental illness.

My middle child (in 4th grade) has been identified has academically gifted. She gets extremely stressed out about grades and everything being perfect.

My youngest child (in 2nd grade) has had some behavior issues and we have made the assumption she doesn't care about success in school as much as my older children. Yesterday, she asked to go to the bathroom, but "disappeared." When they finally found her, she would not say where she was or why. She finally admitted that she hid in the stairwell because she couldn't figure out how to write a math journal on her morning work. In NC, students have to pass a written comprehension assessment. This kept Christine at a Level K (grade level is J) even though she can read fluently enough to read books in this series (at least level M):

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24727091-judy-moody-and-stink 

I think she may also be gifted, and a closet perfectionist. Middle child also struggled with the writing and would melt down if things did not come easily to her.

Hippocratic Oath for Librarians

Tis the season for awards and best of lists. I was thrilled to actively nominate books for the Cyblis for the first time. Several Mock Newbery blogs and groups are actively debating and choosing their favorite books. My friend Benji Martin and I even took a stab at it over at Newbery Pie, with our own predictions.

My husband is a nurse and I was thinking recently about the Hippocratic oath for doctors in comparison to our ethical standards. As librarians, our code of ethics doesn't really roll off the tongue the say way. Respect for authors and readers is definitely in there, as well as not self-inflating our own personal opinions, all things we need to keep in mind as we come to award/best of season. Ultimately, we need to remember that these are authors and illustrators who have shared something precious with us - their talent. I feel so blessed that I am the person who gets to share that talent with their intended audience - children.  Now something exciting; look who I got to meet last week!!!

Post from Facebook:

"It was completely worth the drive in the rain. I almost missed meeting Katherine Applegate because the event was at 5 at a school even though the website said 7, and I went to the bookstore. I even acted like a normal person, although I cried when I got to the car. I hope authors/illustrators know how much of an impact they have. I can't say awards mean nothing, but Ivan changed my life long before it got its shiny gold sticker. And while we as teachers/librarians share those awards and try to get our kids excited about them, a child's love for a book matters more. Kidlit authors: thank you for your work - you helped to set me on the path of my life when I was a child. If you are an author or illustrator my age or younger: you have helped to keep me on that path at times when I didn't think I could (or didn't want to) do this job anymore. You are my rock stars and my heroes. I wish I could give you all an award."

ALA Youth Media Awards

My school librarian friend in Alabama, Benji Martin, invited me to join his blog, Newbery Pie. I had stagnated on my Newbery Challenge, where I had intended to read all the medal and honor books from the present going backwards, getting stuck in 1996. Even though, Benji's challenge is the medal books in chronological order, joining him has been a rewarding (and productive) experience. I think what I enjoy most is messaging someone so regularly to discuss books. Thank you again Benji!

Yesterday we posted our 2016 Newbery Predictions and I have a few additional thoughts.

1) Award committee members: thank you for your commitment. When deciding which books to predict, I realized I had a whole shelf of MG books I had not read. Then there are those that will be released in the next 4 months. Your commitment to readers, author and the ALA/ALSC/YALSA/other committees is admirable. I am honored to share the title of librarian with many of you, especially Scholastic's Ambassador for School Libraries, John Schumacher (served on the 2014 Newbery Committee and selected Flora & Ulysses: The Illuminated Adventures written by Kate diCamillo; illustrated by K. G. Campbell), and the Yarn costar, Travis Jonker (served on the 2014 Caldecott Committee and selected Locomotive).

2) Authors and illustrators: I know awards are prestigious and having your work honored must be an amazing achievement (not to mention the bonus of selling more books), but what you do is magical, even if your book doesn't have a shiny gold/silver sticker on it. When Benji threw in the question about the Caldecott, I wanted to list 15 books. Even though it is nowhere in the criteria for any award, my favorite books are those that make me feel something. Her illustrations are amazing, but I chose Yard Sale, written by Eve Bunting and illustrated by Lauren Castillo, because out of all the picture books I have read to my girls this summer, it is the one they mention the most. They find connections to it everywhere.  Also, at age 7, my youngest daughter doesn't always think about the feelings of others. I love the way Yard Sale is teaching her empathy. We also love The Troublemaker and Nana in the City. The latter has a shiny sticker, but the girls would love it even if it didn't. Books were always with me during the hardest times of my life; just last week I got lost in the world of 1960's Berlin depicted in Jennifer Nielson's A Night Divided while a family member was in the hospital. A world without children's books would be like living in East Germany during that time. Thank you for giving your time and talent to children (and grownups)!

Bottom line - I'm going to paraphrase Travis Jonker in response to the outrage over certain books not being honored for the Caldecott in 2014. A good book before the awards will still be a good book after the awards.

PS: #teamballetcat - It was an instant decision. We still love E&P in this house; I'm sure we'll be reading 3-4 tonight and then Snicker of Magic.